It’s happened with me so many times on so many levels. I didn’t always get it right. A friend joins my school and class, or a neighbor starts going to the same school as me. Or co-worker joins my Church, or college buddy joins my company. Not that it’s a bad thing, but I’ve learned a few things about how to effectively handle this situation as it recently happened again. Here are 10 steps to appropriately deal with the situation:
- First, they were prior is important. If they were responsible then, they can be a value add now.
- Be humble and accessible. Nothing will infuriate them more that if you grandstand or don’t make them feel comfortable with you in this new element. Instead of gaining an ally, you may create an enemy.
- For about a brief second, you’ll have the upper hand. They’ll look at you vulnerably like a newborn looks at the wet nurse. Be firm, delicate, show empathy.
- They’ll make assumptions, set boundaries and tone immediately. If you courteously take them to lunch or hang out after work, be sure they understand it’s not going to be frequent. In fact, take your time in treating them to lunch or happy hour. Wait a few days or weeks. If it’s a neighbor, and you’re thinking of carpooling, don’t start the right away. Maybe once or twice a month to start, if you really have to.
- Respect them in front of peers, but don’t put them on a pedestal. Others will have to form their opinions of them.
- Don’t point out any enemies to them. Acquaintances always appreciate someone giving them the lay of the land at a new organization. However, people and their mix of personality are unpredictable. People who connect or infuriate you may have an opposite effect on others.
- Don’t let them use their outside knowledge of you to demean you. Look out for that and nip it in the bud early and often, especially if they’re very lax with you and thereby cause others to want to be lax. Address it clearly and early.
- Try not to discuss work at home and home at work. Keep the two separate as much as possible.
- Don’t tell others about they’re shortcomings if you know of them. Unless it’s criminal in nature, let them build their reputation on their own. Exposing their weaknesses will communicate the wrong message about you.
- Be happy to have a familiar face around. It can be very comforting to have a friend at work. Enjoy it.
